Suckrifice Candle – Because Adulting Sucks

Funny Gift · Sarcastic Home Decor · Long-Burning Coconut Wax

Filing taxes. Faking enthusiasm. Surviving Zooms.
This is your altar. This is your offering. This... is your Suckrifice.

The Suckrifice Candle turns soul-crushing responsibility into a (slightly) better-smelling experience. Hand-poured in luxe, reusable glass and fueled by sarcasm, it’s the perfect flame for burning time, energy, and sanity—one adulting ritual at a time.

Why You’ll Light It (Even When You Don’t Wanna):

Eco-Conscious Sass
Crafted in the USA with vegan, non-toxic coconut apricot wax. Burn your candle, not the planet.

Burns Longer Than Your To-Do List
Up to 50 hours of slow-suffering brilliance.

Choose Your Mood (or Meltdown):
9 indulgent scents to soften the sting of grown-up life.

Pretty Enough to Distract You
Amber or clear glass jars, gold lids, and vibes that whisper “this is fine.”

Your Scent Survival Kit:

• Fraser Fir – Cold. Clean. Over it.

• Cinnamon Chai – Warm denial in a cup.

• Cashmere Musk – Polished on the outside. Spiraling within.

• Beachwood – Fresh. Forced. Barely coping.

• Mango Coconut – Tropical delusion in wax form.

• Vanilla Bean – Sweet. Soft. Dead behind the eyes.

• Lavender – Calming your chaos. Briefly.

• Blackberry Vanilla – Rich. Complex. Ready to disappear.

• Unscented – For the completely unbothered (or emotionally numb).

Candle Care Instructions:

• Trim wick to ¼” before each use

• Let melt pool reach full width—tunneling is for quitters

• Max 3-hour burn. Your tasks can wait

• Burn on heat-safe surfaces, far from unpaid overtime

• Never leave unattended. Snuff with a sigh

Please Note:
Each candle is made to order. No returns or exchanges for buyer’s remorse, scent swaps, or burnout.
If your candle arrives damaged, send us a clear photo—we’ll fix it faster than you can say, “I wasn’t trained for this.”